


Perfect Places

by Finnie



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 17:25:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14360118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finnie/pseuds/Finnie
Summary: Jack wasn't looking for the doctor tonight, but he found him anyway.





	Perfect Places

**Author's Note:**

> Jack and the doctor are canonically married (tdotd novelization) and i had to

jack wasn't looking for the doctor. not tonight.

it's not a body he's seen before, but when you're as old as jack, you learn to recognize things that don't belong, abandoned things, lonely things, and the doctor might be the loneliest thing in the universe, except for maybe jack himself.

you can't not notice the doctor, really. wherever the doctor walks, timelines scream and tangle. he is such a disaster.

the older the doctor gets, the more brittle he loks, more breakable. jack stares at the young man in the bar (he says young, but these eyes are so old, they have seen so much.) he's all sharp angles this time around, jaw and cheekbones and laugh lines. nobody has that much laugh lines, except for people who suffer a lot.

he has an untouched glass of brown liquid in his hand, and he's staring into space, unaware of the noise and the people, and jack wonders why he's here. he's not even sure why he's in this bar himself. maybe he wants to be somewhere where there's people, young and alive, so alive, or maybe he's just trying to get drunk.

(a blurred picture of ianto's face threatens to appear in his mind, and jack quickly drinks it away.)

he wonders what he should do now. find the closest pretty boy and leave? dance until he collapses? but the doctor is here and he looks lost, like he's just begging for someone to snap him in half.

jack sighs deeply, finishes his drink for courage and comes over.

"hey there." he slips into the booth next to the doctor. "long time no see."

(how long exactly? he's not sure.)

"oh." the doctor's lips twitch. the sound is too small, tok quiet for comfort. "you."

"who else?" jack wiggles his eyebrows. "you look horrible."

the doctor chuckles - no, this incarnation giggles. suddenly, loudly. "thank you."

jack nudges the doctor's hand and the full glass he's still holding. "are you trying to get drunk?"

the doctor frowns. " _tryin_ g is the key word. this is disguisting."

jack laughs flirtily, a loud, hallow sound. they're silent for a moment.

"how old are you, jack?" says the doctor suddenly. jack shifts in this seat.

_"i don't know. four hundred and four? four hundred and five?_ _i lose track."_

the doctor giggles again. or maybe he sobs. "tell me about it."

"haven't you got anyone?"

the look the doctor gives him tells him everything. and jack thinks, _not again, not another rose, not another donna._

"they died," the doctor says simply. "they have been brave and kind and had so much love in their hearts, and i let them slip through my fingers because i was careless."

this sends a wave of pain through jack's gut and he blinks away the memories. _not now,_ he says to them. _not here._

"what was his name?" the doctor asks with a hint of genuine interest.  jack knows that the doctor does it sometimes, that he can't help it, soaking in fear and panicked flashbacks like a sponge.

"ianto," he says softly and pauses. "and owen, and toshiko. they have been -"

he has trouble finding the right words. the doctor looks at him like he understands.

"i.." the doctor trails off. "miss company."

jack wiggles his eyebrows, slips his mask back on. "miss me?"

the doctor turns to look at him for the first time since he arrived. he looks at him carefully, for a long time, as if he was searching through his memory for something, for anything

"yes," the doctor decides. "i do."

jack kisses him like he's kissed him dozens of times before, but there's something desperate in this one.

***

jack is such a false thing, the doctor thinks that night, watching the man who slept on the other side of his bed, saying the things he thinks you want him to say, trying to be what he thinks you desire. still, he's such a careful lover beneath: desperate to touch in the same way the doctor is desperate to be touched. you can't hate him for it.

***

he expects jack to be gone when he wakes up, but he is in the kitchen, making french toast. for a second the doctor wonders if he still remembers the way to the kitchen from all those years ago.

"the tardis showed me. i think she's warming up to me!" jack grins, as if he heard. "didn't let me leave, actually. every hallway led to here."

jack kisses him as he hands him the plate.

the doctor is not a good kisser this time around. he's desperately lost, fumbling, and the doctor is _never_ fumbling with him. the doctor usually has him wrapped around his little finger. they kiss against the kitchen counter some more and then jack goes back to burning toast. they crunch it in silence and stare out of the fake window into a holographic field full of white sheep, puffy like clouds.

"don't kick me out just yet," says jack suddenly, oddly anxious. the doctor stares at him owlishly.

this tardis looks like amy and rory pond, it smells like them, every nook and cranny built for them alone. nothing here is shaped like jack. there had been a time, though...

they were so young then. so raw. the doctor misses him, misses the clever man and his sharp wits and his smiles. the man kissing him is old, old, more face of boe than jack.

he's so tired.

he knows what it's like to be inhuman.

he realizes that he still hasn't said anything and jack is still staring at him expectantly, if a little desperately.

"remember what you said that time in cardiff?" jack says carefully. "i have nothing left to lose."

a slow grin spreads across jack's face. "how about we just fuck off somewhere?"

the doctor nods.

***

they're in obero IV, a popular party town on an abandoned human colony. the entire place is designed for people to get lost in it, get lost in it and forget. everything is neon, and colored like toxic waste, music booms loudly, as if it's imside your head. forget about them, the music says. here, you are nothing.

the doctor is vaguely aware of jack's hands on his hips, of the other dancers. his head is so full, so, so full of sounds and images and textures. _amy would've loved this song. amy._

he's vaguely aware of being dragged away, and of jack's concerned voice. and then they're in the tardis, and the tardis whirrs and they're somewhere else.

"i'm sorry." jack says honestly. "i didn't think it'd give you a panic attack."

"i'm not-" the doctor says, but the words are stuck in his throats, and his hearts are racing. _it's like they were there._

"it's okay." jack's hands around the doctor aren't seductive, for once, but comforting. he leads him away from the tardis, towards the edge of a cliff.

they were on some kind of a jungle planet, deserted and vast, with endless forests of blue-green leaves. the sky was a calming turquoise, and the air quiet, as quiet as space after the sounds of the club.

jack sits down with his legs dangling over the edge, so the doctor does the same.

"you did nothing wrong." says the doctor. "it's like.."

"like they were there?" jack's eyes crinkle. he has a bottle in his hand and he takes a swig. "like they were there, so close you could touch them if you tried."

something is stuck in the doctor's throat, he swears.

"i'm so sick of loneliness," says the doctor, and it's the most honest thing he's said in centuries.

jack swings his head back and drinks some more, and then sighs. "why didn't you come looking for me?"

"why would you need me?"

and jack stares at him and _you stupid, stupid alien, do you reallyreally not know?_

the doctor stares over the edge, down at the ocean of trees. "why would anyone need me?"

"because you deserve it. because you do it for others." jack drinks again, and then puts the bottle down. the doctor can hear the liquid sloshing against glass. "because i still think about you."

"what about ianto?"

"don't." jack snaps. "don't say his name here."

"i'm sorry."

there's a silence that lasts a few hours, or maybe seconds. it's hard to tell, on a world like this.

"i think about you too," says the doctor. it's not a lie, not technically. he thinks about all of them.

slowly, tentatively, jack intertwines their hands. he kisses and touches him so freely but this little thing seems hard for him, more significant, more intimate.

"it's quiet here." says jack. " let's just sit here."

***

it's been twenty-four hours since jack has entered the tardis.

"can i hold you?" jack says that night, quietly. for someone who's had so many lovers he's oddly touch starved (as if he was waiting to be touched by him and him alone.)

"you won't mind if i think of them?" the doctor whispers quietly as jack wraps his arms around him. "accidentally, in my sleep?"

jack shakes his head. "if I can think of him."

the doctor nods.

jack doesn't think about dead people that night.

neither does the doctor, really.

***

the docor wakes up (not that he had truly been sleeping) to the smell of something burning.

war, he thinks and then _oh, right. jack._

he wakes up to find jack burning pancakes.

it smells like fire but it's better than no scent at all.

***

"remember the night we met?" says jack. they're lying on their backs on the surface of a deserted, pale moon. "angels were dancing at the ritz."

 _we met in a warzone,_ the doctor almost says, but in the end he doesn't.

"we were.. something." he says.

jack sniffs. "we were, weren't we."

jack produces a flask and drinks. he always seems to have some on him.

"we saved them. we were like heroes at the dawning of the world. we should do that again."

"no," the doctor says, too quickly.

"why not?"

"i don't do that anymore." the doctor closes his eyes. "i thought the world of myself. i thought i was so, so clever."

"you were." jack leans over to kiss him but misses his mouth. he's more drunk than he looks. "god you were."

"that's what killed them." the doctor snaps. "my carelessness. i turned my back for a second - just for a second, and they were gone. just like that."

"well, you can't kill me." jack proclaims suddenly, as if he just made a great discovery. "you couldn't even if you wanted to. come on, bastard universe!" he waves a fist at the sky. "give it all you got!"

the doctor rolls over so that he's laying face down on the smooth stone.

"isn't it what you're looking for? someone you can't break? or maybe someone you can break over and over and o-"

***

the worst part is the way jack holds him.

perhaps that's why the doctor begs him to stay, to feel wanted,to feel holy.

or maybe, just maybe...

***

"wait wait wait!" jack is laughing so loudly the doctor fears he might explode. "remember that judoon? that one fucking jodoon? like bo ho no mo popow?  
  


the doctor laughs with jack. he is easy to laugh with. he is easy to love.

"we were fantastic," the doctor says. "what happened to us?"

"i guess." jack downs his drink. "you lived too much. and i died too much."

"you drink too much." says the doctor softly. "it's going to kill you."

"it can't." he shrugs. "jack harkness, undefeatable."

"it's just a nice way of saying it will never, ever stop."

"i know how it feels," says jack.

and he does. he really does.

***

they're laying together, staring at the ceiling, and suddenly jack says a terrible thing.

"you know, i know you know." he kisses his neck, behind his ear. "tell me. tell me how i die."

the doctor kisses him to shut him up. he kisses him like he hasn't kissed anyone in decades, he's not sure he remembers.

"please," jack whispers, "i need to know."

maybe it's just because he sounds so desperate that the doctor tells him -

"in billions and billions of years."

jack exhales, and the doctor is not sure if that's relief or not.

"i'll be there" the doctor says. "i promise."

jack faces the doctor, and suddenly he's that nameless ancient thing that died in his arms.

"i would've been proud of you." the doctor says. "was proud of you. am proud."

jack is silent. he's had so many lovers, but the doctor doesn't think anyone's ever told him that."

***

it's the middle of the night, and someone elbows the doctor in the ribs. he blinks the sleep away. (he's been sleeping a lot lately. more then he slept ever since..)

jack is sitting on the bed with a mad grin.

"what?" the doctor groans. "is something on fire?"

"no." jack shrugs. "maybe. i've just had a brilliant idea."

"i'm listening."

"we should get married."

the doctor isn't sure he heard correctly, so he rubs his eyes and tries again. "why?"

"because it's fun. because it's easy. because we can."

jack smiles.

"because it's a very bad idea."

the doctor could never resist that.

***

they get married in a chapel designed to look like a casino, inside a casino designed to look like a church. it's a terrible, terrible very stupid idea but it feels right in that moment. the doctor wonders how long until he regrets it.

the five-armed robot who marries them is slightly confused and it takes him a few times to get it right

(captain jack harkness do you take john smith the doctor mysterio coolio mcawsomeness to be your lawfully wedded spouse?)

the rings are bits of round things from the tardis.

jack is wearing lingerie.

the doctor doesn't know anyone at the reception.

it's a little good. they're a little whole.

***

"i've been wanting to do this since i met you." says jack that night. "it's silly."

the doctor giggles. "you know this was just a thing, right? i do that. marriages. i'm married to a lot of people. more than i can count."

"shut up." jack laughs. he might be drunk again. "shut up. but i'm one of them."

"yes." the doctor smiles. "you are."

"i've thought about you every day." jack says suddenly, his voice lower and more honest than before. "every day i was stranded on that fuck of a planet. there wasn't.. there wasn't a day I didn't think about what would've happened if it had been me in that tardis with you and not rose. me, a human, young, alive. can you imagine?"

"yes," the doctor says. he remembers.

"god, i loved that man." jack sighs, and then turns to the doctor, dead serious. "you. i love you i mean. i love you and you're stupid."

he might be drunk.

jack looks like he might cry. "i loved you and i didn't tell you while it was important."

the doctor touches his hair as softly as he could. "it's always important."

***

when the doctor wakes up the next morning, the bed next to him is empty and the air doesn't smell like burned toast. he touches the sheets and feels a memory, feels the psychic imprint of jack waking up with a hangover and remembering the things he had said last night, of jack burying his head into the pillow in shame, jack packing his bags and leaving.

the doctor had expected this, had been prepared, but he still feels a twinge od disappointment as he slowly wakes up and drags himself to the kitchen.

***

  
even after hundreds and hundreds of years, jack wonders what it would be like if the doctor came for him now, in the dark nothingness of space after all the good people have died. he imagines they could be happy. he knows they would be anything but.

just as he thinks that, a man walks into the bar. he is thin and wiry with a bunch of silver hair and serious eyebrows, and his face looks new.

his eyes find jack's. jack smiles.


End file.
